The Event, the Experience and the Poem: Is Richie Maccs' 'FORGOTTEN LIVES' Alive Without the Visual?

A raw, quick and direct review as shared with Richie Maccs (Richard M. Oduor) on his poem, 'Forgotten Lives' Poem.

FORGOTTEN LIVES

Their bones dance in the wind,
skulls rolling haltingly in the dust
to rest a kilometer away in dry river beds,
amidst piles of rot and souls in commune,
that hug and hide their faces
from the disdain of the land that bore them.
The black feathery beasts of the wild
circle, as if haunted, and map the expanse
for the freshness of death.
They watch bemused at the hopelessness
of children crawling on their bellies defeated,
and parents blankly stare – tears.

Inspiration: Does Richie turn reader into the unfortunate kid?

The old, having witnessed life in passing
wait patiently for their souls to desert them.
Their bodies are ant hills of jutting bones
their lips dry, cracking, and pursed –
their tongues have lost ownership of words.
There is no need to speak; no sounds come out
of a belly sunk and plastered on bent spine.
The lungs can no longer hold air for a full breath;
gasps and little coughs squeeze
out of a throat taunting – to close.

Where are the city folks with glistening skins,
cultured accents, and famine solutions to boot?
Do they think of the child that crawls to death
a few hours away, under the roasting sun?
Where are the ministers, with broad grins
and a wealth of verbiage to shoot?
Did they not make the garbage collector
and gas stations wealthy men?
Yet behind their mansions, the young
cuddle garbage cans for warmth;
their mouths frothy with refuse and gum.
Voiceless, their only distress call is a sigh,
before they pass away – waiting for us.

Abandoned in misery’s dark corners, children
wasting; their shriveled behinds gashed with deep lines,
their bones covered by dried-out skin,
pause for us to temper the vagaries of nature
and trap the vestiges of our selfishness.
We walk on – without a care!
But the face of a suffering child is the heart of God
reaching out to stir the depths of our being.
Let’s desire nothing, than to see others too
experience relief and joy.

***

Vultures watch the tussle between soul and body,
celebrate as the body tumbles and stills in the hazy heat,
and moves in – to have a fill.
 
© Richard M. Oduor, 2012.

Richie, let me begin with smooching your forehead, patting your back and kissing the hand that you have used to pen ‘Forgotten Lives’. You have done well my friend and I think you deserve a round, or several, of self stimulation and pleasure!

I must confess that I have read the piece twice, yet, like always I think it is my first reading and initial reflections that are most useful in helping me share with you my thoughts on the tone and achievement of the poem; while it is in the second that I can comfortably lend you my two pence with regard to the architecture of the poem. (I must confess that I have also sampled ‘audience reaction’ from the numerous ‘this is deep’ crowd to the ones who see theirs in yours and to the historically inclined like that square that is round. Interesting!)
 

In so far as I look for vividness in poetry, interpretation of feelings, attitude and story in the conciseness of words and the rhythm between the diction and human experience, I am glad that you have nailed it. The generalization of the first stanza that sets the horror of the experience and introduces a ‘bemused’ Vulture is effective in its compactness. The magnitude of the problem of the drought certainly comes out with the suggestion that the feathery bird even has to map the strewn meal laid below. That the vultures are blessed with abundance and humans deprived of nutrition is the most heart-piercing image of this forgotten experience. Yet, I do not know what the phrase ‘as if haunted’ was meant to achieve. I may be wrong, but I feel it distorts the ‘attitude’ of the vulture in this set. With the abundance, I would surely be surprised at any vulture that would project worry. Is it possible that this description needs to be attached to the ‘parents’ blankly staring? And is it possible that the ‘stare’ should be an active verb, ‘staring’? I find no place for ‘tears’…for is it not possible that the subject is malnourished of tears?
 

The second stanza is equally profound in meaning and the choice of words and their sewing is facilitative to the appreciation of the human experience. I see the stanza now ‘specializing’ on a category of people’s experiences…parting slowly away from the generalizations of the first. And that is sweet in so far as the poem’s story is unfolding. I should mention that I believe to some extent that some of the responses/reactions you have got from friends are based on reading the poem side-by-side with the Carter’s celebrated picture. Yet, I want to weigh the success of this poem in the absence of this visual stimuli, and in so doing, I think the second stanza stands out. It is here that you, the poet, is dissecting and analyzing the emotions and goings on at this bleak moment. Having lost all ownership of words and awaiting relieving death, the impact of the famine has been well established. You have nailed it on this. Only that I would like to question your choice of tense in ‘no sounds come out’. Why not, ‘no sounds WOULD come out…’? For I feel that this description with ‘would’ would complement completely the need not to speak.
 

Richie Maccs walks distracted at 3rd Stanza!

And then the shock of the third stanza. With all due reflection Richie, I believe that this stanza is unnecessary, spoils the intended audience’s experience, is preachy and a poor attempt at finger pointing. It is a poor expression of your frustrations with a targeted ‘culprit’. It deflects away any energies of sympathy that the audience may have mustered, ready for action. I feel you have directed your readers the wrong way…for just expressing the experience of the starved was enough. I hate the whole of it and would objectively advice a revision…a chopping even. You have introduced a persona that is very unnecessary in the appreciation of human suffering. You have left your poet’s gowns and crown and donned a politician’s rag and masks. Shame. Shame. Oh shame…must such poetic beauty suffer the stink of carelessness? I hope to bits that you can reconsider this stanza!

And yet, the fourth stanza lets the plot flow so very well…the structural specialization. Finally we get to suffer with the child, enter his emaciated, weak and ‘forgotten’ tiny contraption of human parts! I think the line, ‘We walk on - without a care!’ achieves all that you wanted to achieve in that despicable third stanza. This fourth stanza I feel is complete with the moment that you have creatively put the heart of Mwenye Enzi into that little suffering, nearly dead body. Why then dear Richie, do you preach abominably with the lines, ’LET’S DESIRE NOTHING, THAN TO SEE OTHERS TOO EXPERIENCE RELIEF AND JOY’? is not this an uncreative line befitting ownership by a one less schooled in poetry? It adds not any value I believe and it waters down the experience, again, as the third stanza does. I would have it migrate away from your poem. For only then can we ejaculatingly appreciate the vulture homing in for a feast and the human soul (and body) succumbing to the inevitable feeding of the earth. Maybe I would have changed the word ‘celebrate’ with ‘salivating’ to achieve a continuum of sadness and close the phenomenon .
 

VERDICT

I think you set out to prickle the hearts of men and women who have no want. You have achieved that...creatively provoked your audience to the point where to tip would have them take action. I however feel that you have fallen into the temptation of didactic-ism, of seemingly deciding to take up the problem as your own and direct the potential fury generated by your readers towards a certain class of characters. You, by identifying the 'city dwellers' have narrowed a catholic problem to village-level political wars. You seem undecided, as you clutch on distracting ideas, un-useful blame games and i-spiritual preaching. I find them unnecessary. It certainly is not the role of a poet to burden themselves with finding solutions to human experiences that are considered de-humanizing!

It is my verdict that your poem is approaching the gates of a classic and you can help it reach there by culling away the unnecessary third stanza and the last line of the fourth stanza. Probably a critical revisit of the way the words would sound and how to achieve uniformity (or flow) of the story-plot should be considered. In a sense too, I think that you are close to knitting the poem completely, so that it may be read without the visual photo and yet elicit similar guilt, sadness and compassion.
 

I hope that this short review is useful and none the tiring…and as always, I may be wrong!

*Richie Maccs runs the blog:  http://granddebate.wordpress.com/

From The AFRICA REPORT: Zimbabwe's Protest Theatre

http://www.theafricareport.com/index.php/20120326501808012/society-and-culture/revolution-hits-zimbabwe-s-theatres-501808012.html


Posted on Wednesday, 28 March 2012 17:16
Revolution hits Zimbabwe's theatres

By Janet Shoko
  
Playwrights and actors in Zimbabwe are slowly stirring up a revolution of some sort, as theatre rosters are packed with protest plays aimed at the establishment.

The plays are being premiered before sold out audiences mostly in the capital, Harare, with Theatre in the Park being one of the few remaining outposts of free speech.



The plays, including February 32 Movement, Protests Revolutionaries - which premiered on March 13 and ends on March 31, Changing of the Guard and The Coup, come after six activists were charged for allegedly showing recordings of the uprisings in Egypt and Tunisia in the hope that these could inspire similar demonstrations in Zimbabwe.



Playwrights and directors speak of being inspired by political uprisings in North Africa last year to voice out through arts. The Coup depicts corpses rising in a stinky mortuary to stage a bloody coup. They march to an imaginary presidential palace to gun down the head of state. However, the soul of the slain head of state attempts to bribe its way into heaven but fails and is sent straight to hell.



Stanley Makuwe, who wrote The Coup, conceived the idea during his training as a nurse. "In one of my visits to the mortuary to dump another body, something gripped my imagination. I said if those bodies could speak what would they say? Who would they hold responsible for their death and what action would they collectively take?"

Realising a much safe gateway to voice out frustration, media activists are joining in. One such is Takura Zhangazha, who penned Changing of the Guard. He calls his work "frustration theatre".



"Protest is no longer aimed at Zanu PF but to a broader section. Even though it is still embedded in political persuasions, it has reached a stage of frustration," Zhangazha said.



Protest Revolutionaries director, Silvanos Mudzowa says the play shows that citizen participation in national issues is vital in bringing about change. "It is possible as a people to use such avenues (protests) to voice out our opinions on the state of affairs in the country. We can do so peacefully as long as we will be able to address issues," he said.

He adds that the play was written to "provoke people into action."

In the play, the toy toying (a protest dance), placard carrying and slogan chanting protestors gather at Africa Unity Square in central Harare, to protest against the government and its leader, whom they accuse of running down the country.

Millions from all walks of life gather at the square, which have they renamed as the "Revolutionary Square". It is a stark reminder of when The Green Square in Libya under Gaddafi, changed to The Martyr's Square as the self named "Libyan Guide's" regime neared its end.

But the police soon arrive at the "Revolutionary Square" and quash the protest leaving three of the protestors dead. However, the masses who have gathered at the square remain unfazed as they continue with their protest. Overwhelmed by the resolute protestors some of the senior police officers join the protests, much to the chagrin of their superiors.

The army is then called in to manage the situation which they do, with brutal force. The status quo unleashes its propaganda machinery in a bid to control the situation which is getting out of hand. The government, through the minister of information even tries to bribe the protest leaders who refuse to take the offer.

Eventually, the president flees like former Tunisian President Zine el-Abidine Ben Ali and surrenders to a new breed of leaders.

See link: http://www.theafricareport.com/index.php/20120326501808012/society-and-culture/revolution-hits-zimbabwe-s-theatres-501808012.html

FCA’S WRATH OF A WOMAN SCORNED: PERFECTLY ACTING THE RIGHT PLAY USING THE WRONG TITLE

Lovers Secrets: Squeezing the pregnancy away?

On the weekend of 10^th to 11^th March, the Festival of Creative Arts, popularly known as FCA produced Richard Everett’s ‘Happy Event’, which, according to their Facebook posting on March 8^th was, ‘workshopped and adapted’ by them. The work-shopping and adaptation resulted in the play entitled ‘Wrath of a Woman Scorned’, which FCA, in their Facebook posting on March 9^th, sold across as ‘the greatest show in Kenya’. The play was presented at the Kenya National Theatre and cost Kshs. 500/- per person. This review will explore the extent to which FCA were successful or otherwise in their ‘work-shopping/adaptation’ and also the extent to which they managed to actualize, via performance, their version of Everett’s play.

Enter the party animals.

According to Everett’s Internet site, amateur companies regularly perform Happy Event. In Kenya, a host of my friends consider FCA to be a most ‘professional’ troupe. As a neutral, I want to begin by acknowledging that, following my recent interest in Kenya Theatre Companies, it is only FCA that has acknowledged the source of their play, acknowledging the writer and the actual play. They similarly have used electronic fora to present the official synopses of their play. This is encouraging. I would encourage them to do so during the production too…in the Sunday show that I watched, this did not happen.

Semeni 'ng'wee' muone cha mtema kuni

Happy event’s synopsis according to the publishers Samuel French, and as posted in Everett’s site (http://www.richardeverett.co.uk/theatre/happy-event/) goes thus: “Jane Harbottle is expecting the unexpected happy event of the title, but she is nervous about breaking the news to her husband Peter because it could prevent his forthcoming job promotion and posting to Saudi Arabia. Choosing the right moment is crucial so Jane prepares a quiet dinner to prepare the way. But Jane has unwisely confided in her friend Stella who, with her husband Mike, is delighted with the news and determined to celebrate at the first available opportunity. To make matters worse, the Harbottles’ scatterbrain neighbour Polly thinks she too is pregnant and then confuses the issue further by telling Peter that Stella is also having a baby. Meanwhile, Grigore, a Greek business colleague of Peter’s, with little English but plenty of zest, arrives all too willing to celebrate anything and is soon very smitten with Polly. As Grigore gets higher, and Polly dafter, Peter struggles with a sprained ankle and a secret of his own…small wonder that Jane starts throwing the antique dinner service around. Will the comic chaos settle down long enough for the truth to emerge in this delightfully funny and well-constructed comedy of misunderstandings?”

Now that's how you charm your intended: Plate dance!

Watching the play, it does seem to me that the only extent to which FCA overtly adapted the play was to have the character Grigore adopt the Ugandan nationality and pick up the Baganda-influenced enunciation of English, set the play in Kenya and change the destination of the spouses’ visit from Saudi Arabia to England. The rest of the stuff, up to and including character names, remained the same. It seems like a lazy adaptation as there was absolutely no level of localization/adaptation that would have justified the change of the play to ‘Wrath of a Woman. In the advertisement posters, there was a suggestion of ‘Nyeri Woman’ to piggyback on the recent bashing of Nyeri women’s violence against their husbands. Yet, save for Grigore’s enquiry of whether or not Stella was from Nyeri, nothing else showed that this production revolved around the theme of scorn.

Ugandan Ssebo's love for the Kenyan wives of husbands!

It thus brings too the question of workshopping plays. Increasingly, Kenyan Companies are selling their productions as the results of ‘workshop’. This term is totally used out of place. Generally, workshop theatre refers to the development of a play script away from the ‘normal’ way of having a scriptwriter write one. A group of actors come together, define a theme that they consider current, relevant or topical (or just one which they are passionate about) and applying their observations, and feelings and experiences and creativity develop scenarios reflecting the theme. It is a form of play improvisation, a trial and error creative process whose stage-piloting of suggested episodes culminate in a whole scripted or non-scripted play for performance. Workshopping may also be done when a scriptwriter’s play is tested for ‘performability’. Here, actors help a scriptwriter make their play friendlier to actualization on a stage.

Watching the FCA’s play, I do not see it overtly suggesting ‘workshopping’. There is evidence to their credit however, that they tried to adapt or localize the play.

'Wrath of a woman that holds fast to the wrong clues'

So then, was the ‘Wrath of a Woman Scorned’ the perfectly reflective title of the play? Hardly. In my opinion, this was a marketing strategy applied at a time when a particular group of women’s husband battery tendencies have captured the imagination of the country.  In fact, the play suggested more scorn to Peter rather than to John. In fact, if the attempt by Jane to smash the utensils was the one used to justify this title, then it was only just a spectacle within the whole play. I do not begrudge FCA though for trying to keep their fans and a new audience coming and patronizing their productions.

Don't tell my hubby, but I am pregnant...and he thinks you are cute!

If there is any place FCA succeeded tremendously, it was in the acting level. The play of course began poorly, with Jane and Stella rushing through their lines and adapting a twang that made their words fly by our ears. I even thought they were trying to flee from the play. With time though, the two settled and began to deliver their lines in a manner that befits a comedy. I must say that actors ought to understand that a comedy is not just the delivery of a witty line at a given moment. Ii is the stringing and engineering of events and pieces of dialogue in a manner that ends up in a funny episode. Actors therefore need to build up comedy in their performance rather than rely on ‘stand up’ moments.

I tell you man, this drink cures hangovers and 'womanovers'

The director of the play had the benefit of very good actors. Jane worked well to bring out the character of a woman harassed by her secret and blunders, Stella came across well particularly in her love for Peter’s supposed attention to her. Peter moved through well from a harassed worker prone to accidents and also as one taking charge when he felt there was a lie being perpetuated behind his back. Why he was continually trying to tuck in his shirt baffles me though. Polly was not a good actor of sad episodes but was perfect in acting the daft woman whose husband keeps throwing food at.  But the two people who brought comedy, balance and sprite to this play were Grigore and Mike. It seems the two were not only able to act their parts well but also seems to trigger the best from their colleagues. Grigore’s rendition of his part as a party-loving Ugandan was near perfect in terms of culturally differentiating the paly characters. He kept in character throughout. In the end, the fact that all actors were able to bring out their characters to complement each other was a huge plus for FCA. FCA’s actors were comfortable with their set, handled the stage business perfectly and related well with themselves and the props they had. Saving the flying utensils was a huge feat even though it kept the audience on the edge. The only qualm was the director’s decision to have the play take place most of the time behind the sofa, thus block the view of some of the hilarious episodes and seem to offer the actors a ‘safe haven’ from stage fears…a fear that they did not show though.  Having most of the action behind the sofa kind of alienated the comedy from the audience.

VERDICT

The talented and professional FCA could still have taken the audience to heaven.

A controlled, committed performance by FCA. They worked hard to live within the boundaries of comedy and respect for the writer. But FCA should understand that by making the decision to adapt, they opened themselves access to the license to try out things and be bolder in  exploring Production options. Had they used this license more, they could have taken us, the audience, into heaven laughing! They missed the opportunity to take advantage of Everett’s construction of a really hilarious piece of drama and the audience's local experiences. Nevertheless, this was an enjoyable to watch performance and the money was well spent.